CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Forgiveness

Well Halford, what do you think of this story? I could not sleep tonight, as I spend the entire night reading this story of my dear Helen. I did not finish reading until nearly eight o'clock in the morning. Shortly after breakfast, I returned to Wildfell Hall to return my dear Helen's journal and ask her to forgive me for my terrible behaviour the night before.

As I walked into the sitting room, she turned to me and spoke.

"Have you read my journal?"

"I've read it," I said, "and want to know if you'll forgive me—if you can forgive me?"

She was silent, crying as she looked out the window, but soon spoke.

"Can you forgive me?"

I gently placed her hand in mine.

"You should have told me earlier," I said quietly.

"Now, Gilbert, you must leave me, and never come again."

"Never again, Helen? I love you! How can I leave you?"

"For that reason. I will soon leave this place, as soon as I find another safe place to hide from my husband. If we continue to meet, it will be even more difficult to part. So, you must not come again."

"I'll do whatever you desire, but please don't say that this is our last meeting!"

"Why not? Every time we meet, the thoughts of our last meeting will become more painful."

"But, we may write," I suggested quietly.

"We can hear of each other through my brother."

"Your brother!" I soon remembered what pain I had caused him and felt ashamed, but I did not have the courage to tell her. "Your brother will not help us."

"And he is right. We should forget each other. But don't be afraid, Gilbert. You should marry, and find happiness. You are still young."

"And you are young too, Helen. I'll wait for you."

She refused to accept this. Mr Huntingdon may live for many, many years, and I must not waste my life waiting for her.

She soon added, "Frederick shall inform you in six months of my location. If you still have these feelings, then you may write, and I will answer you."

"Six months!"

"Yes, and now you must leave me," she said with a sad look.

And we parted, but I hope not forever.

I then returned home, thinking of how to apologise to poor Mr Lawrence. Later that afternoon, I went to see him. He was quite surprised at my arrival, and feared that I might again cause him pain.

"Lawrence, I made a mistake, and I have come to apologise to you. I regret what I have done to you. I had heard you speaking to her one night, and mistakenly thought you were lovers. I did not know you were Mrs Graham's brother."

"Well, you are forgiven. Now, did you mention this incident to my sister?"

"No, I did not have the courage to tell her, but when you tell her, will you say that I regret—"

"Do not fear, I shall say nothing."

I left him shortly after, and we were friends once again.

(end of section)